Since getting sober, I have slowly come to discover that the term Recovery can be a misnomer when applied to the process of surrendering my addictions. Labeling Recovery as the panacea to end my cravings, and make amends for my dysfunctional past, to start living a different sober lifestyle, can be a misleading approach to uncovering my original state of sober innocence. Recovery can imply that the intent is to reattach my thought processes to the positive aspects of my conditioned self-ego, while avoiding the harmful, destructive elements that initially led me into addiction. In other words, Recovery can mean re-engaging with the thought patterns already hard-wired in my brain, but with a stronger conviction to control positive wiring and suppress firing the negative wiring of addictive thought patterns. Unfortunately, that is the definition of addiction: to rely on my past thought processes to evaluate and control my feelings that are arising now, in order to make choices and take the right action required to stay sober in the future. That means recovering my past thinking, the root cause of all addictions, my never-ending duality of living in time, and trying to control the future by changing my past; that’s impossible, and the source of constant suffering from the choice between using or staying sober. Recovery of anything in my past, thinking, can be just another word for Relapse.

For me, Discovery is the word that best describes my sobriety, learning to live differently by staying aware of the truth, which is constantly unfolding in the choiceless present moment. Constant Discovery removes time, the duality of changing the past to control the future, from the process of ending addiction. Discovery means uncovering ever-present, unmanifested consciousness and awakening my true spiritual Self-awareness, which existed before the conditioned self-ego, of body and mind, was implanted in my brain. Discovery means to find the truth, that my true Self transcends this body, and the addicted self-ego, imprisoned in this temporary mind.

I now understand that when it comes to addiction, re-attachment to anything from my past is re-entering the prison that is my thinking mind, to get trapped in time again, because the mind can’t exist outside the cage of my ego-identity, in the ever-present moment. It may seem like a simple matter of semantics, but words cast spells; that’s why we call it spelling. For me, Recovery can be just another way of spelling Relapse.

I was blessed to realize my spiritual awakening early on, in my sobriety, to understand that I needed to start living differently, to grow my understanding of how the mind works, and to strengthen my ability to stay sober. Living differently means living outside the time-trap of my mind, in the present moment, rather than relearning the positive and negative perceptions, concepts, and reasoning that have conditioned my self-ego and led me into addictions as an escape from the prison of my ego-identity.                                                                                  

That was when I stopped saying that I was in Recovery from addiction, and started professing my newfound joy of being in constant Discovery—uncovering and learning how my mind works. The more I looked at how my mind worked, the less my addictive cravings tormented my thoughts. The more I stayed aware, simply by observing my thoughts, my mind became calm, and my addictive thinking dissolved. That is when I discovered the importance of meditation, as a whole body and mind practice, to begin living differently and to stay sober. I realized that by relaxing my body and silently observing my mind, I can remain aware: detached from my thoughts, yet mindful of my cravings, which dissolve when I uncover their source, and calm my mind, until it is transformed into a meditative state of true Self-awareness.

Therefore, staying aware results in staying sober, allowing my true Self, I am—spiritually unattached to any-thing—to arise. Sober awareness enables me to stop thinking and start feeling—no longer craving attachment to things from the past or desires for the future, but feeling joyful from understanding my existing connection and unity with everything in the world, now. This understanding ends all desire to possess things temporarily, and thus ends my suffering.

Recovery can spell Relapse, but Discovery is the silent witnessing of creation: understanding the truth of Life constantly happening in the present moment, and uncovering my original innocence of being sober, that never changes.

VAB  07-06-25

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