How do I know when I’m getting stronger and growing in my new sober lifestyle? How do I stop living in fear of relapsing? When do I stop feeling separate, living in isolation, and start feeling connected as part of everything happening in life around me? When do I begin to feel that the world is reflecting the Love I am projecting, helping me to create my new sober life? When do I start trusting myself enough to earnestly make amends to the people who have always reflected unconditional Love in my life? When do I gain the understanding that life is happening through me, and not to me? When will I awaken, continuously remembering to stay aware and focus my attention on calming my mind, so I stop wasting my life energy and allow my heart to remain full of Love?

I started realizing that I was gaining strength in my sobriety when I began to feel a sense of peace, growing mentally and physically stronger in handling my daily experiences without the confusion or conflict of making choices based on what I already know, repeating the past. It felt like my mind was being emptied; there seemed to be fewer chaotic episodes of anxiety over flashbacks from past mistakes and less fear of not being enough to sustain my future well-being. I realized that I was more aware, focusing my attention on silently observing my mind and feeling the changing conditions of my body. In turn, my cravings to escape my triggered memories of traumatic events in the past were less intense and not as frequent. I noticed that I was spending less energy feeling frustrated, trapped in the illusion of trying to fix the past or control the future. As a result, I am becoming more energetic, more motivated to be outgoing, and connected to what life is offering in the present moment.

I began to experience a transcendent ease in my skin, no longer isolated, but feeling connected to life happening around me, initially with my like-minded sober community of unconditional Love. Then, by remembering my connection with the beauty of Nature, the constantly changing seasons from one form to another, from life to death, and back to life. I lost my fear of death and started letting go, becoming humble and allowing my self-ego to die, by staying aware (sober), in the ever-present moment—where the mind can’t exist. Finally, with a quieted self-ego, I began to trust my natural intuition, which allowed me to feel Love from others and trust people outside the community enough to start projecting my loving kindness, and feel it reflected by the world, keeping my heart full of Love and growing my true Self-awareness and confidence.

Now, if I stop blocking the Love flow through my heart by constantly reliving the past in my thinking mind, I have come to understand that I can create a world that reflects the Love I am projecting. When I remain aware and calm my thoughts by focusing on my body, breath, and the constant flow of Love energy through my heart, I can stop wasting energy from being consumed by the negative, consciousness levels of shame, guilt, grief, fear, anger, and pride; and channel that energy to bypass my mind and flow freely, directly into the world as the positive consciousness levels of willingness, acceptance, Love, joy, and peace. I can begin to gain trust in myself, to like myself again, enough to keep my heart full and overflowing with Love. Then, the world will start to reflect Love, which again, fills my heart, and I can focus my attention on how my Higher Power is directing me to channel my Love energy from within to the world outside.

I am learning how to stay aware of people, places, and things that can drain my Love energy, by not reflecting Love back, thus emptying my heart, which can fire up my thoughts of chaos and suffering, and trigger my addictions, putting me back into the illusion of being isolated in my mental prison of repeating the past. I am learning that no matter the source of confusion, chaos, and suffering, those thoughts are temporary; they will pass when I apply the strength of my new sober awareness to remove myself from situations that drain my Love energy.

When my mind is at peace and my heart is full of Love, I am content, accepting, and joyful. Then I can freely express my creative Love energy from within, which manifests a world of loving kindness around me. When there is no resistance, internally or externally, to the conscious Love energy flowing through my heart in the present moment, I can realize my Higher Power of knowing an existence beyond the temporary: no longer suffering in fear of life or death, with the understanding that I am not long for this world, but my conscious awareness is eternal, manifesting wherever the required conditions arise for my Higher Power to be expressed as selfless, creative Love!

VAB  07-22-25

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