I have spent the past eight-plus years in sobriety learning how my mind works, to understand better why I lived my life in alcohol addiction until, at the age of sixty, I finally woke up. I now know that growing up in a family with an alcoholic parent somewhat forecasted my susceptibility to addiction. Still, I have learned much more about my childhood conditioning and the traumas that underlie my physical sensitivities and psychological dysfunctions. I know now that I developed and used my addictions to escape from reliving my past, until I got sober, and strong enough through spiritual awareness—beyond my body-mind—to face my pain and mental suffering, and heal my past, by understanding now what I didn’t understand then.

I hope the following quotes from a recent source offer some value and insight to help you heal your past so that you can stay sober—Now:

“The challenge of recovery is to reestablish ownership of your body and your mind—of your self [-ego]. This means feeling free to know what you know and to feel what you feel without becoming overwhelmed, ashamed, or collapsed. For most people, this involves (1) finding a way to become calm and focused, (2) learning to maintain that calm in response to images, thoughts, sounds, or physical sensations that remind you of the past, (3) finding a way to be fully alive in the present and engaged with people around you, (4) not having to keep secrets from yourself, including secrets about the way that you have learned to survive.

These goals are not steps to be achieved, one by one, in some fixed sequence. They overlap, and some may be more difficult than others, depending on individual circumstances.

Some people get better using just one of these methods, but most are helped by different approaches at different stages of their recovery.” pg.” 205-206.

“Why can’t we just be reasonable? And can understanding help? The rational, executive brain is good at helping us understand where feelings come from… However, the rational brain cannot abolish emotions, sensations, or thoughts (such as living with a low-level sense of threat or feeling that you are fundamentally a terrible person, even though you rationally know that you are not to blame [for your childhood]). Understanding why you feel a certain way does not change the way you feel. But it can keep you from surrendering to intense reactions… However, the more frazzled we are, the more our rational brains take a back seat to our emotions.” pg. 207.

“[T]he only way we can consciously access the emotional brain is through self-awareness, i.e., by activating the medial prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that notices what is going on inside us and thus allows us to feel what we’re feeling (The technical term for this “interoception”—Latin for ”looking inside.”) Most of our conscious brain is dedicated to focusing on the outside world: getting along with others and making plans for the future. However, that does not help us manage ourselves. Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going on inside ourselves.” pg. 208.

“Talking about painful events doesn’t necessarily establish community—often quite the contrary. Families and organizations may reject members who air their dirty laundry; friends can lose patience with people who get stuck in their grief or hurt. This is one reason why trauma victims often withdraw and why their stories become rote narratives, edited into a form least likely to provoke rejection.

It is an enormous challenge to find safe places to express the pain of trauma, which is why survivor groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Narcotics Anonymous, and other support groups can be critical. Finding a responsive community in which to tell your truth makes recovery possible.” pg. 246.

—Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD, The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Penguin Books, New York, 2014.

VAB  03-26-26

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