When I checked in for Detox and Recovery, little did I know that I was creating space around the neurobiological and psychological “addiction process,”[1] hard-wired into my conscious body-mind—my wounded self-ego. That space quieted my mind and allowed my body to relax from constantly reliving my past, which is the traumatic (physical and psychological) source of all my addictions. That quiet, restful, meditative space allows my only power of spiritual Awareness to surface from within, and my ability to silently observe dissolves the illusion of control over emotional memories and neuro-biochemical reactions, which are often unknowingly triggered by my worldly experiences. The space to observe, to witness, provides the freedom to respond with wisdom: the wise understanding of what is required in the present moment; true Self—Awareness is my Higher Power.

I had no idea how to change my lifestyle from just shamefully surviving my never-ending addiction to the past, which was restricting my ability to project Love into the world and receive Love back in my life, or enjoy the peace of freely, creatively living in the present moment. Then, after hitting bottom in addiction and opening my heart to receive the spiritual grace of wise understanding, I experienced the awakening of my true Self: the freedom of silent witnessing—eternal Awareness. And, through spiritual guidance and tireless research, I found the truth in a quote by one of my enlightened gurus, Osho, who says: “Other than Awareness, nothing changes a person, nothing at all”—which helped me stay sober.

So, now, I try to share the truth that each of us must look within to face our past, without judgment, to understand now what we did not understand then, to heal the past with the undistorted loving-kindness of our flowing, ever-present Love energy. Understanding that the trauma, both the physically abusive and subtle neglect, that we brutally experienced and unknowingly survived, can make us stronger—if we accept that we can’t change it. Creating space to be aware of the past gives us the Higher Power of freedom to heal that pain and suffering within, now, rather than constantly trying to escape it with things from outside of the body!

Ultimately, eternal Awareness is the freedom of knowing our pure consciousness: that our true (unmanifested) spiritual Self—Awareness—is eternal reality and separate from the illusion of being manifested in space, as this temporary, conscious body-mind that is addicted to the identity created by our past; an identity that no longer exists in the silent reality of the present moment. Reality is the silent present moment, the source of consciousness and the Love energy that manifests everything into existence, and which, upon creation, is immediately relegated to the past, because the world in which we live is temporary and limited by the illusion of time and labels. Eternal Awareness is the Higher Power of freedom from the illusion in which our consciousness exists; we are here to share our Love energy as it creates this illusion, and try our best to enjoy the show, as long as it lasts in our temporary consciousness…

[1] Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, North Atlantic Books, Berkeley, CA, 2008, pg. 224.

VAB 04.15.26

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