Spoiler Alert: the ego’s selfish potential for addiction never ends, but addictive thinking disappears with the mind, in true Self-awareness of the present moment—and it is always the present moment.
My latest revelation of true Self-awareness is that everyone suffers from addiction. All of us can be—and most are—trapped in our addiction to conscious thinking: the isolation of hard-wired thought patterns formed from collected memories, experiences, and knowledge—our past—which also separates each of us from one another and from everything in the natural universe. Thinking is living on an island of what we know, trying to create an illusory future full of pleasures and free from pain by manipulating what is happening now, over which we have no control. If we did, we would only recreate a different version of our past. We are all addicted to living in our heads, repeating what we already know to survive, which creates the illusion of time and space. Life happens no matter what we do or don’t do; whichever it is, it is only our reaction. Everyone is addicted to thinking we can control Life; our addiction is only a matter of degree and devices.
As an alcoholic, I am addicted to a substance, in addition to my addiction to thinking, which means I’m addicted to constantly suffering while repeating the past in my head. So, how do I dissolve my addictive cravings to feel and think differently than how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking right now, and no longer be torn apart by the choice of suffering in mental sobriety or dying in physical addiction? The truth is, it’s impossible to change the hard-wired neurons in my brain, my conditioned self-ego’s cravings for temporary pleasures to avoid thinking about repeating my past, which sustains my self-ego identity—I am-Vic. The truth is, I can’t think my way out of addiction, but I now understand that addictive thinking can be transcended if the “I am-Vic,” my self-ego, disappears.
Say what: sobriety happens if “I am-Vic” disappears?
How can “I am-Vic,” the body-mind created by my past, disappear? My manifested existence is not only my physical body and possessions that I identify with and cling to as “me,” but also my mind, the conditioned thought patterns that control how I think and live. My mind is the collection of all my memories, experiences, and knowledge that creates the illusion of a separate personality. This self-ego separates me from the rest of creation.
I’ve come to realize that the disappearance of my separate self-ego identity happens as an effortless act of transcendence when true Self-awareness arises as the eternal, ever-present witness, and the temporary ego-mind dissolves into silence. This true Self-realization of witnessing, beyond consciousness, dissolves my thoughts, quieting the mind as it disappears into the unified thought-feeling of Love energy flowing through my heart. This is the still awakening of my Higher Power: silent awareness—and only through awareness can the illusion, I am-Vic, created by my past, disappear in the present moment, where the self-ego cannot exist.
So, how do I let go of the dysfunctional past of my self-ego? How do I unlearn all those social concepts I was taught, complete all my unfinished experiences, and heal those painful memories that sustain my wounded, self-centered ego existence—I am-Vic? How do I rip out the thought patterns conditioned by the physical pain and mental suffering of the trauma, and still raw emotional hurts from my past? How do I erase the experiences within my family, culture, and society that make me judge and distance myself from others? How does “I am-Vic” dissolve the illusion of being a separate me and disappear into egoless, unified true Self-awareness? As Osho says, “Other than awareness, nothing changes a person, nothing at all.”
The answer is meditation!
Meditation can happen anywhere at any time, when my body relaxes, my mind quiets, and time stops in silent, detached witnessing of my thoughts. I am-Vic, the self-ego is trapped in time; it can’t exist in the present moment. Silent witnessing, nonjudgmentally observing my temporary thoughts, can quiet the mind and allow my brain’s incessant internal conversation to stop. When thinking stops, the ego is emptied of self-will and rendered choiceless, which is the end of comparisons. The end of comparison is the end of naming and judging everything that spontaneously happens around me in life, based on past experiences that keep me imprisoned in my mind. Meditation happens when I am-Vic, the separate, isolated droplet, disappears into the seamless unity of Love: connected with everything and unified with everyone in the all-inclusive ocean of conscious existence.
Freedom from addiction is not sobriety; Freedom is the end of all comparison.
Freedom from choice is freedom from becoming a “me” by comparison, imitation, conformity, being better, or more. Freedom from becoming means waking up and remembering the truth: that the unmanifested I am is enough: spiritually divine and complete, without desires or fear, and united with all—as one consciousness. My eternal true Self is not this manifested self-ego—I am-Vic. Rather, it is remembering that the flow of divine vibrational energy—Love—keeps this temporary body-mind conscious and alive. This eternal spiritual energy, never destroyed or dissipated, can transform the negative mental barriers of feeling separate and isolated by shame, guilt, grief, fear, and anger into the positive feelings of my original innocence—willingness, acceptance, Love, and compassion—and bring healing to the world I create around me.
The path of awakening is revealed when the veils of unfinished memories that sustain the self-ego and obscure my original innocence are stripped away by silent witnessing. Then, with the effortless attention of my Higher Power, true Self-awareness beyond consciousness dissolves the selfish cravings of addiction and opens my heart to feeling united and at peace in the choiceless present moment. Where I am-Vic disappears with the choice between addiction and sobriety, and only I am aware—selfless Love energy—remains!
VAB 05.15.26
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