How are you going to stop your harmful habits? How are you going to stop drinking, stop using drugs, stop smoking, stop your sex addiction, stop gambling, overeating, overworking, overexercising, or obsessing over internet social media, gaming, shopping, and pornography? How are you going to stop your uncontrollable addictions?

Better yet, and more to the root cause of addictions, how do I stop triggering the conditioned hardwiring in my brain that automatically repeats my destructive habits? The harmful habits I use to avoid feeling the emotions of reliving memories of the unfinished experiences in my life, the neglect of being unloved, and the abusive physical and mental traumas, when they arise from my past. Whenever those feelings surface, and past emotions get triggered in my body-mind, I start thinking—trying to fix them in my head, which is impossible—manipulating what happened so my self-ego doesn’t feel so bad, or imagining a different outcome to make the experience seem more tolerable. Inevitably, we all get triggered, and depending on our past, many of us are routinely living in an upset, anxious state of mind. We perceive everything happening around us now through the distorted lens of our past conditioning. We react to what we’re experiencing now, feeling as if we are still being persecuted by the same lack of Love or abuse from our past, which always causes us to create a different version of the past. So, the real question is: How do I stop thinking? Rather, how does my mind stop trying to control the future based on the past in my head, and start feeling my Higher Power of being aware, staying present, free from my past, and able to respond to what is happening now with undistorted intuitive wisdom?

What if I told you that the only way to stop thinking is to stop dreaming and wake up? What if I told you that no matter how good it might seem at times, we are all living in a personal nightmare of repeating what we already know, as me, who my conditioned mind thinks I-am? This illusion of being a separate, isolated body-mind, I am-Vic began as an innocent child; the first time it occurred to my unconditioned mind that I-am, I exist, I matter. That is the moment “I,” my spiritual witness of eternal true Self-awareness, transcended from the Absolute (Source: Love energy, as rays of sunlight from the sun) to being aware as unmanifested “pure” consciousness I-am. Then, as an expression of the Absolute, conscious “I-am” manifested into the dream state of “being” a material body, with a mind that claims the body with words: “I am-Vic,” I am-tired, I am-lonely—my illusory self-ego.

That is when our illusory life of human suffering begins; when we first felt separate, unconnected to the rest of the conscious universe; when we initially felt alone; when we began looking for someone to reflect the same Love we were radiating to the world from within this temporary body-mind; when we started living in fear of death, afraid of leaving this body-mind for the unknown, our return to—not having a past—the forgotten eternal, infinite Absolute, our Source. When I, the witness (pure awareness), transcended to pure consciousness I-am, the world and everything in it appeared as if we were walking around on a 3-D movie set. That’s when we began comparing our body-minds to all the other body-minds around us. We started noticing that we looked and acted differently from others and that we only felt comfortable when surrounded by others who looked and acted more like us than not. Those periods of feeling similar, included, and sometimes loved helped develop neural patterns of connection in our brains, and we tried to repeat those patterns by firing the same neural wiring—thinking—whenever possible, to imagine being connected to others, to avoid suffering those periods of feeling separate, isolated, and unloved.

That became the driving purpose of our human existence: to avoid the mental suffering of feeling lonely, at any cost. We spend much of our energy thinking about how to build connections with others by building relationships, joining groups, teams, religions, and maybe political parties, rather than being alone. Constantly replaying past attempts at feeling connected with others in our mind, trying to avoid those painful experiences of failed relationships, or repelling others we have been taught to avoid by our families, cultures, and societies, as being too different and unacceptable. Eventually, we judge everyone and alienate most as unworthy, until we end up living our darkest fear of being alone, or our worst nightmare: the inevitability of dying alone.

So, we live in the illusion of being born alone as a separate body-mind self-ego, constantly desiring connection with others, which we are taught to judge whether being worthy and acceptable enough, until we mature and slowly discard most for selfish bodily pleasures that are easier to obtain and, for a while, easier to maintain; but, these other harmful desires ultimately rupture the bonds of our few, seemingly worthwhile relationships, to the point we end up repeating our fears, of being alone and feeling lonely, despite our never-ending childhood desires to feel loved and connected.

Instead, we replace relationships and feelings of Love within with temporary pleasures for our body-mind from without, addictions that appease our unattainable desires, and escape the uncontrollable fears. These gathered outside experiences of short-term pleasures are easier to obtain and offer immediate gratification that becomes neurologically embedded in our brains, and ultimately wired as addictions we can’t stop firing—to repeat feelings we think can replace the Love we’ve lost, or have never experienced.

So, how do I wake up from this dreamlike world of time, space, and the duality of feeling separate, constantly craving pleasures from outside addictions to avoid living a life of tormented personal isolation in my head? Initially, I have to find a safe way and a secure place to lose access to the devices of my outside bodily addictions, to get sober: to relax my body and quiet my mind, and slow down, to stop thinking, and begin healing my feelings of being separate and unloved.

Next, I need help from others to relearn how to radiate and reflect unconditional Love in my life again when my Higher Power arises, with the grace of true Self-awakening, and I am-Vic, my self-ego is ready to disappear. To be fortunate enough to find a community of like-minded people willing to accept my life situation, where we can share our stories without judgment and reflect loving-kindness with each other; ready to be similar, included, and secure enough to stop thinking about changing the past and be present; with a quiet mind and an open heart to heal the past, when it arises, with compassionate understanding, and focus attention on what life is offering now to start a new sober life story, built on unconditional Love.

Finally, when my thinking stops long enough, and the embedded hardwiring of addiction in my brain goes dormant, allowing new sober neural patterns to fire and wire together as I use learned sobriety tools, healthy activities, and joyful distractions to stay in the present moment, to stay sober, which is staying aware now, for longer periods, one day at a time. I can build strength and endurance to fire my new sober wiring, which can heal my mind from firing the old wiring, from recreating the past, and ultimately from relapsing. When I am-Vic stops thinking, my self-ego disappears, my addictions go dormant in silent true Self-awareness, and… That’s How “I” Stopped!

VAB   06.01.26

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