I have previously written about hitting bottom—at the age of sixty—after surviving forty-five years of my alcohol addiction. I shared about that point of desperation in my addiction when my self-ego could no longer identify with any ideas, concepts, or beliefs that could end my cravings to escape the physical pain and mental suffering (from my past) that was constantly being triggered and replayed in my head. My mind and body were exhausted. Little did I know that hitting bottom happens at the lowest energy level of consciousness: shame, where my self-ego would fall apart and vanish in total humiliation. My self-ego’s illusion of having personal control over my body-mind had to humbly admit that its imaginary, conditioned identity “I am Vic” was powerless over alcohol. When my ego reached a state of shamed selflessness, it surrendered its illusion of being real to my Higher Power of true Self-awareness—silent witnessing, pure consciousness, “I Am,” which I did not yet fully understand.

Hitting bottom was the effortless act of letting go of my personal past in selfless humility and the still-awakening of my Higher Power: sober awareness in the ever-present moment.

For me, Recovery started with the silent awakening of true Self-awareness that my addiction to thinking—my past—is the root cause of all my substance addictions. I woke up to the truth that I was using things outside myself to escape the past: the pain that my body is still living, and memories that my hard-wired brain keeps replaying in my head. Trying to change my emotions from being traumatized and feelings of being unloved when they get triggered and arise, which is impossible; and to avoid the consequences of projecting loveless, hurtful resentments onto faultless others around me, which is irresponsible. Only through compassion—selfless, nonjudgmental acceptance—can I heal the transgressions of neglect and trauma, to stop reliving the past—Now.

Staying humble, by staying aware of my ego-identity and surrendering physical and emotional attachments that define my conditioned self-ego— can free me from my core addiction of constantly reliving the past in my body and mind, and from the “added” substances I use to escape my emotions when they arise. So, staying sober means staying humble by staying aware of my imaginary ego’s addiction to repeating the past—in the present moment—where the self-ego, trapped in time, can’t exist!

So, what physical attachments (people, places, and things) and emotional conditioning (neglect, trauma, concepts, and beliefs) have you identified in your life that you need to surrender to stay sober today—to stay humble and free from constantly repeating your past?

“Selflessness is humility. Humility and freedom go hand in hand. Only a humble person can be free.” ― Jeff Wilson, Buddhism of the Heart: Reflections on Shin Buddhism and Inner Togetherness

VAB  07.02.26

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